and so it is.

holy shit.

2009-03-26T18:51:07Z

holy shit!

narnia.

2009-02-17T19:35:54Z

I am so fucking happy.

the walmart of higher education.

2008-02-09T19:17:00Z

when I have my pug:

also: god bless bloody vagina.

t-rex gets me, man.

2008-01-02T00:16:13Z

need.

2007-12-01T06:04:13Z

owl babies s'il vous plait.

the more we get together together together..

2007-11-27T06:09:18Z

I wish I were better at people.

also:

2007-09-30T05:39:50Z

yes please.

blacking out the friction.

2007-09-30T02:31:14Z

fall is here. today was flawless. I spent it in an office while a parade celebrating summer's end passed only a block away. I took my lunch at a nearby cafe and caught the tail end of it.

I miss everyone today. especially harland. fall was always our season.

I saw drew barrymore on market.

: /

2007-05-07T18:54:27Z

me: how was your weekend?
me: wasn't it beautiful?!
me: I didn't know it could get that warm here.

him: Ren, you have a naive innocence about you that I so seldom see these days.

me: well..
me: it was really nice.

Arab Woman gives Muslims a Thrashing

2007-05-04T20:47:24Z

Arab-American Psycologist, Wafa Sultan on Al Jazeera TV.

porn.

2007-05-04T03:03:33Z

“For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.”

guess what I have.

2007-04-05T05:20:52Z

A perfect view of the giants stadium fireworks from my livingroom window.

I <3 baseball season.

!!!

2007-03-28T14:21:22Z

I sleep with my window wide open and when I woke up this morning there was a humming bird hovering over my bed. As soon as I shifted a bit he flew back outside where there were two other ones hanging out in the tree outside my window. I think he was looking out for me because I totally slept through my alarm. I would rather wake up to little turbo powered birds over my head any day.

columbidae.

2007-03-27T05:12:45Z

I think I know what my next tattoo is going to be. I'd like to get a small illustration of a pigeon somewhere, maybe on my shoulder. I've had a strange fascination with these birds for as long as I can remember. I know most people associate them with urban filth, but I think they're lovely. I was thinking about all the places I plan to live someday, and the one thing these cities have in common are their pigeons.

Did you know:

Like humans, pigeons can see color, but they also can see ultraviolet light, that's why pigeons are sometimes used in human search-and-rescue missions because of their exceptional vision.

Pigeons can hear sounds at much lower frequencies than humans can, such as wind blowing across buildings and mountains, distant thunderstorms and even far-away volcanoes. Sensitive hearing may explain why pigeons sometimes fly away for no apparent reason.

Pigeons can fly up to 40 or 50 miles per hour and may fly as far as 600 miles a day. They seem to be able to detect the Earth’s magnetic fields. This magnetic sensitivity, along with the ability to tell direction by sun, seems to help pigeons find their way home.

Pigeons are monogamous, pairs often will breed in consecutive seasons for as long as both birds live.

G.A.T.E.

2007-03-20T05:16:12Z

So I was bored and took an IQ test and I did a little research and according to this article, I'm brilliant and brighter than 98% of the world and I should share my gift and contribute to society as a surgeon, lawyer or an engineer of the civil or mechanical sort. However, according to this article, I'm merely an intellectual, or "highly gifted." At any rate, I'm pretty fancy. I know the whole IQ thing is a moot point, but you'd understand where I was coming from if you were a genius like me.

I'd like my hymen back, k thx.

2007-03-13T04:05:34Z

so, I've been abstinent for oh, about a month now. how do I do it? will power and christ love.
and I masturbate.

constantly.

it hurts.

2007-03-13T03:40:02Z

there is a void, in my life, because I don't have one of these.

pedro the lion- options

2007-03-09T03:59:52Z

Today I abruptly came to the realization that I've reached the age where I need to make an effort to spot an occupied ring finger before engaging in further conversation and subsequent flirtation with men. this realization hit with the same gravity I imagine spotting my first grey hair might. granted, I'm barely twenty but I accepted long ago that boys my age want nothing to do with me nor I with them, so naturally my attraction will be toward men of the marrying age. with this fate comes certain risk because becoming involved with a man in his mid twenties-early thirties means he's more future oriented; i.e.: family, stability. where I may be on par with my partner both intellectually and sexually (and the other -llys that fall in between) I still lack that settling capacity that can only come with age. so my plight lies in that by the time I'm of the settling age and mentality, my former beaus will have been married with children for some time, leaving me in the dating pool with my coeval peers.

I must also wonder if I'm even the marrying type. I suppose the first step would be to establish whether or not I'm even capable of a monogamous relationship. it's not the fidelity that's beyond me, it's finding someone I respect enough to remain faithful to. again, I must keep in mind that I am only twenty so of course blind devotion cannot be expected, but I can't help but think that if it's even possible, I might have a grasp on the concept by now. even children understand that while you can fancy several people simultaneously, when you make that conscious, mutual decision to commit to someone, the lines are drawn. there it is, in black and white. it's okay to play tetherball with joey, but if you hold his hand, ben will get sad. it's just. that. simple. my problem is that I see everything in greyscale. I don't break rules, I bend them. and yet, strangely, when I'm faced with the infidelity of others, whether they're friends or complete strangers, I'm overwhelmed with indignation. just last month my housemate began an affair with a man who was in a live-in relationship with his girlfriend of five years. this was very upsetting, and I could not comprehend how either of them could allow this to happen. and yet, three weeks ago, I slept with a man who I knew to be in a serious relationship. where does this double standard come from? it couldn't possibly be the have my cake and eat it too complex alone, there must be something else there. there has to be.

I'm wondering if my predicament can be categorized into one of two generally textbook scenarios. my first theory is that lovers stray because they don't want to miss out on anything. life is so short and there is so much out there, it's silly to limit yourself to one partner. and more importantly, it's unnatural to our very marrow. love is timeless, sure, but monogamy is a relatively new idea. it's human nature to essentially 'collect' these carnal experiences, and submit to society's moral agenda is selling oneself short. like Tomas' motive in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, it's more than satisfying one's lust.

So it was a desire not for pleasure (the pleasure came as an extra, a bonus) but for possession of the world that sent him in pursuit of women.

The opposing argument is that lovers stray out of fear. 'you can't hurt me if I hurt you first.' it's kind of romantic, really. one person cares about the other so vehemently that they're utterly terrified of the potential pain their lover's leaving would cause. so to prevent, or at least lessen this blow, they take measures to depreciate the affair. that way, when it ends, the one is able to cope; is comforted in knowing that it was never that serious because it was never entirely exclusive. this strategy is very similar to my modus operandi, the easiest way to move on is to deny the feelings were ever there in the first place. so where do I fall? I think I relate equally to both. again, with the greyscale.

Try as I might to deny it, I do believe in conventional love and I'd like nothing more than to be consumed by its glorious torment, to finally commiserate with the plagued characters in the books I read and the movies I watch, and I'm confident that someday I'll come close. I suppose I'm just concerned by the fact that it hasn't happened yet, and that I can't even picture myself in that situation. is it a matter of emotional maturity? perhaps I'm only fooling myself in thinking that I've the perspective of a woman, when I'm little more than an impetuous girl.

actually.

2007-03-08T05:21:47Z

wait.

no. no I'm not.

and go.

2007-03-08T05:02:04Z

ok.

I'm ready to be a girlfriend.

lunar eclipse.

2007-03-05T03:14:41Z

So after Harland left Friday night, leaving me in a foul mood, I thought the rest of my weekend would be shot. I was pleasantly surprised when the remainder of my weekend turned out to be quite lovely.

On Saturday Nate's friend Adam was in town so he, Nate, Shannon and ventured through Chinatown and it was insane. I've never seen any part of the city so crowded (with the exception of the Castro on Halloween). The sidewalks were so thick with people that we thought it wiser to dodge traffic and walk through the street instead. We finally squeezed our way through to North Beach, where we had lunch at Trattoria Volare. After lunch, Shannon left for work so the boys and I walked around Washington Square Park where they were having a fine art show. We agreed that the art was more okay, than "fine," and decided to head to City Lights where we spent an inappropriate amount of time and money. From there, we walked uptown where there was a carnival so we bought lemonade and churros. After the carnival we went to this ritzy decor store where I fell in love with a horse and Nate fell in love with some frigid broad. As the sun went down, we found ourselves completely immobile in the middle of a Chinese New Year parade. Eventually we made it through the masses and barricades and got home where we drank wine and made kitty porn.

Today Adam and I drove around the city and ended up at the beach. We rolled our pants up and took off our shoes and played in the ocean. Then we met up with Adam's friend Phil, went curio shopping, ate Indian food, and walked off our naan and curry around Golden Gate Park.

I don't think I'll ever get bored of this city.

fraud.

2007-02-23T04:58:19Z

I bought sea monkeys at a novelty store on castro. we made (hatched? birthed? grew? baked?) them tonight. they're in a fish bowl on the kitchen counter.

after mixing the pouch of sea monkey eggs with the "secret hatching catalyst" into the water, we peered into the bowl with a magnifying glass.

shannon: nothing's happening.
me: I guess we drink it now.

we play.

2007-02-21T07:03:56Z

love is a dog from hell.

2007-02-16T06:05:32Z

So the pillow fight was fun, and the party was lovely. We decorated some mean sugar cookies and then my housemate Ashley invited everyone into her room to watch [read: crack jokes through the entire movie and take a drink whenever anyone said "ARRGHH"] this porn called Pirates (apparently it's the Lord of the Rings of the adult film industry) and I sat on her bed and giggled with twenty drunk kids.

Things are well. Our friend Matt is visiting for a few days, so that's nice.

That's about it.

Four months later I'm finally putting my room together. I took some pictures of it.

this is what you see when you walk in.

to the left is my dresser.

with my promo post card collection and teddy bear, Rufus.

and my galoshes and dirty clothes.

and my trash can and untouched art supplies.

to the right is my book shelf.

with my various knick knacks and bouncy ball collection.

and my plant, Bertrand.

to the immediate right is my constantly disappearing music/movie collection.

and my closet.

</lj>

reddingculous.

2007-02-11T19:16:42Z

This is the neighborhood I grew up in.